i didn’t care

I started my run in the storm.

Harsh wind in my eyes,

And rain in my hair.

But I ran to the beach

I didn’t care that there was no one there;

I didn’t care.

And I trudged up that cliff through the hail.

As the demons of winter pushed me back

I didn’t fail.

I didn’t care that at the top

There was nobody there.

Nobody there,

I didn’t care.

And I waded through that stream and I cried,

Because something inside me

Suddenly had died;

And I needed somebody to be there,

I needed that someone to care

As the sun showed up to caress my hair

And warm me through, 

It spoke to me.

I needed you.
Lissy Lis 2016

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Day of the beekeepers

Do not kill those roses

To prove you need me.

Do not spend our savings

On that Waitrose bubbly.

I need not that Thorntons

To know that you care.

Or that glittery card…

I can tell by the way you stroke my hair

The kiss on my head as you switch off the lights

The way that we laugh instead of fight

When you get up to hold me because I can’t sleep in the night

How we dance like fools when there’s no one around 

When I’m struggling to stay calm and you don’t make a sound

And you sit with me

Until peace I have found

When you let me be exactly who I am

When I’m feeling strong you still hold my hand

And how you don’t like to gloat about the happiness we share

 
Because in our world we are the only ones who need to care
When you are my rock everyday of my life

And how you will still be that rock when I become your wife

And how one day in Feb, just doesn’t suffice.

The art of forgiveness

I do not forgive easily

I ache from deep inside myself

Gutteral acid seeping from my stomach and chest

Forcing hard breath from my soul

As if my heart had been torn from its strings
And held there in a cold steel cage, beating only because it has no other choice

I breath

Flinching as punched hard in the gut

The pain.  The betrayal.  The harm and broken shattered soul tears.

Blood still pumps, hard, red, relentless.

Sweet dark numbness; too far from reach to even rest a moments thought on

But that moment’s crescendo explodes into deafening squeals of anguish erupting from every crevice of my being

my well of love overflowing into a waterfall of sadness and river of crystal clear emotions ebbing into the universe

Dispersing into everything 

The monotony

Routine

Laughter

Fear

Guilt 

Anger

Then love, pure love

And sleep

Seconds, hours, days and then years

My mind wandering with the twists and turns of the present 

Thrive in the present

And when that time comes

I forgive you

Peace 

Clarity

Purity 

Life
By Lis December 2015 

A lifetime in 20 minutes

Dreaming 

Wide open eyes

Exploring 

glowing landscapes

Flying 

misty skies

Settling gently 

On cotton wool

Into strong arms

a lover

Gazing into

smiling eyes

Sharing kisses with one another

rain sprinkles

rosy damp cheeks

Clouds emerging

cover 

Rocking

swaying

a wooden raft

Lovers gone forever

Gripping

timber

Waves crashing fiercely

Sinking

slowly

Under the deep sea

Swimming

corals

shipwrecks so ghostly

tunnel, black

sensing deathly

Struggling 

breaths

Going forever

But into the light 

And to sunnier weather
By Lis 

You always give me your salad.  A poem about salad, loosely ripping off The Beatles.

  
You always give me your salad

You don’t care about the consequences

I only asked you for a god damn toastie

Why you treat me this way?

You always give me you salad

That rancid lettuce it irritates me

Those shitty onions smell worse than cats wee

I didn’t come here for this

You always give me your salad

Even though I said ‘just a toastie’

It winds me up the way you force it on me

And I get sad.

I didn’t ask for additions

Raw tomatoes give me nightmare visions

Celery it is a nasty villain 

And cucumbers… Bad.

1, 2, 3, 4, throw your salad on the floor

5, 6, 7, 8, keep that salad off my plate
By Lis who hates salad.  Particularly ‘side salad’. 

  

Twisted

Every scene that haunts me

Stays inside my head

Lurks behind the curtains

Impending sense of dread

It’s lingering behind me

It’s watching whilst I sleep

It’s calling out my name

But when I turn

There’s just a heap, of black and tattered remnants

Laying strewn across the ground

Motionless and sinister 

I lost that won’t be found

Amongst the flowers

There’s a body

Laying prone so frail and cold

A scream that rings inside my heart

A story never told

dark trauma it consumes me

drips into my mouth

fills me up and drains my soul

Tears me up and spits me out.

A cymbalta victim.