(Standing over a big empty cage.)
All of my pets are gone, maybe they are dead.
I have no idea why. Did I leave the cage open? Did I let them out to play forgetting to lock them back in?
I am very forgetful. I had 4 rabbits at least, a sparrow, a guinea pig with a black eye, some feral cats. Where are the centipedes? Oh my god. There’s no water, did they die of thirst? Maybe I didn’t feed them, at least I thought I did last week… No, no last week was too long ago they would have starved. Why has it been a week? I care for my tiny beasts daily. I think. I’m a kind person. My head hurts. It hurts all the time. It’s not my fault, it can’t be because I’m a good person, I loved you, I couldn’t mistreat something so vulnerable and that I loved so much.
(Aside – matter of factly) At the bottom of the cage there’s a sealed polythene bag, inside it are 2 grasshoppers and one bites me as I pick up the bag.
Ow! I’m so sorry I left you without air, surely I didn’t forget to make a hole so you could breath. No wonder you are so angry with me. I would bite myself if I could. I need to go. Where are you all. You can’t be dead? I’m such a terrible person. Oh no, the play.
I’m needed on stage in 15 minutes. Time is running out.
I’m devastated. Please come back. Please.
There’s nothing I can do. My public need me. I didn’t kill you I promise. I couldn’t have killed you. I don’t remember being this cruel. I’m crying and my stage makeup is dripping in my eyes. I can barely see now. Everything is black, so black. I must get on stage the director will be furious.
I have no idea what my lines are. Not a clue. (Singing & doing a little jig) Hellooooo and welcome to the playyyy.
Helloooooo. Oh. Where are my audience? You were laughing? I could hear your mumbles in the black out, one of you had the audacity to cough. Where are you! Silence.
(The fire alarm rings)
Ok this isn’t funny! We need to get out, evacuate, don’t panic, seriously, I’m serious it’s not a test.
(The fire alarm merges into the alarm clock, the cage is now a bed and I’m waking up)