I decided to sit in the sun and do a short blog on my lunch break. I was full of negativity this morning. I had an awful Sunday being on-call and having just stress after stress from 6.30am until 9.30pm, the phone didn’t stop ringing, I gave myself the mother of all migraines that lasted until yesterday afternoon. I’ve been bedbound for 2 days, something I hate happening. In February I was so bedbound I didn’t think I’d ever get up again, I kinda resent those days wallowing under a duvet, I feel I’ve wasted time, I’ve wasted living, and enjoying my life.
This morning I awoke as usual, ridiculously fatigued (I do have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia so I’m used to that). Usually I drag myself up and crawl like nosferatu to the bathroom; today I just went back to sleep. I awoke 10 minutes before my taxi arrived for work.
I did everything I could to dress, I grabbed my toothbrush and my make up bag and crawled to my taxi. Luckily I was the first one at work so nobody saw me looking half dead, and 20 years older that I should look.
Working full time when you have a chronic illness is no mean feat. If only benefits paid my basic living expenses. We can dream right?
Anyway I just felt so angsty, stressed, resentful that work would make me go through all that hell.
Time to re-evaluate
I have this way of letting go of stress like this. I have to, or it would consume me, and I would just get sicker. You know stress is the no.1 cause of employee absenteeism? I like working. I like my job… Well most elements of it.
I make myself accountable for everything that happens to me. I take the responsibility, this gives me the power to change the way I think and feel and ultimately gives me control of the situation I previously felt helpless in.
I chose to do this job. I chose to agree to be on-call knowing it could be stressful. I can choose to continue, or not.
I actually chose to discuss the situation with my bosses. I won’t go further as that’s confidential. But it was a positive experience for me. I feel that things now have the potential to change. I feel more positive.
If they don’t. Well I revert back to my spirit guide Maya Angelou, who said, if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. This isomer definitely something I can change.
Very seldom is there situation in the workplace that we can’t change.
Well my lunch is early over. For someone who has been light sensitive for the past two days, I’ve enjoyed a little bit of sunshine xx