…. Whatever that is?! It’s certainly using up my valuable spoonage.
I’m procrastinating because I’m literally the best at it.
Today I went to my new job
I’m thrilled to have found a new job, the people seem so lovely and the job itself totally doable. It’s mainly coordinating home carers from a desk base, it’s very straightforward and not as pressurised as my previous stressful, traveling all over the county management role. That role I’m sure contributed to two serious relapses, seeing me bed bound.
Tomorrow I get to get up early YEY!
Ok I’m not a morning person, in fact I don’t know anyone with Fibro or chronic fatigue that is. Tomorrow I get to meet some lovely customers so they can put a face (mine) to a name (mine) very early in the morning.
I don’t mind. I think I told my boss the last time I got up that early was at Christmas.
How to declare conditions to new employers, it’s tough right?
I’m yet to declare officially my conditions, I’m doing this tomorrow. It’s such a hard decision to make, because I desperately want to prove to them how dedicated I am, and that I can, despite my illness be a valuable asset to their team. I also fear judgement, knowing that I’m in probation and they could just let me go… Out into the realms of unemployment, something I do not want at all. I do not think they will do this. Not without being given a chance anyway.
It’s going to be challenging, but my life is challenging no matter what I do. Once the pros and cons were weighed I knew I had to remain employed.
I don’t know how I’ll cope. I’m sure I’ll go back to the days of, work, sleep, work, sleep, work… Whilst my body adjusts to its new demands. I know it will be painful. I know my Craig will have to make me more teas and get up earlier to help me bath and stuff. I’m going to need to take more painkillers. I know at least one and a half of my 2 days off will be slept away.
I’m gonna need ALL of my spoons.
So why do I bother?
Because of my self worth
My drive to feel useful and needed
My passion to embrace my own independence
I get out of ‘these 4 walls’
I make new friends
I learn new skills, so I feel like at least part of my brain is not willowing away in a foggy mess
I will have to drag myself kicking and screaming out of my bed in the morning, yes the AM!
I will embrace days, whole days
I’ll feel like I’m living again
I will pay my bills, and not rely on welfare and be at the beck and call of our awful government.
I will not be wasting away, I might even get stronger physically.
Wish me luck (particularly for the early start!)
Oh…. We also move home this week. Nothing like doing nothing for months and then all of a sudden changing your whole life in one week!
Big hugs to you all, stay strong xx